It’s not a typo, and I didn’t mis-write the notes from Psychology 101. We aren’t talking today about a Passive-Aggressive approach to anger. Many of us have that solidly in our grasp. No? Just me?
Let’s take a look at Paul’s passive-active approach to anger, and other emotions that become way too big when combined with malice.
Eph. 4:31
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamoring, evil speech, with malice be put away from you.
Eph. 4:32
Be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.
Paul encourages us to passively “let all” the malicious emotions “be put away” from us. He didn’t say to struggle against them. We aren’t instructed to actively beat ourselves up because we lost our temper or secretly envied our friends’ success. That time that we internally cussed out the micro-managing dictator of a lady in the coffee line who had to repeat her frenzied edicts four times because the barista developed carpal tunnel syndrome frantically scribbling the detailed instructions with an unnecessarily large sharpie on a “tall” cup.
Oh, that never happened to you?
Anyhow, verse 31 is cool in that it recognizes we can often work ourselves into a frenzy when we torture ourselves for the emotions we experience a couple of times a, ahem, year. Instead of actively wrestling with the emotions, we are told to “let [it] be put away” from us.
The problem is, many of us are a tad controlling. It’s counter-culture to be passive in a struggle. We are supposed to fight to become better people. Put a rubber band on our wrist and snap it with increasing – almost competitive – force every time we slip up. We are not inherently trained growing up to “let” things be fixed in us. So, how can we learn to do that?
We are guided by Ephesians 4:26 and Psalm 4:4 to be calm and silent. To meditate upon our emotion. To be still upon our bed. In other words, reflect on the problem. Consider why that emotion got the best of us. Let God put it away from us. To do this, we must be humble; something God has always looked for in a human.
Eph. 4:26
Be angry, yet do not sin. Do not let the sun set upon your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ps. 4:4
Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
On the other hand, we are told to be active on the flip-side of our faults. When it comes to being kind to others (even those who played a supporting role in our hostility), being tenderhearted and forgiving, Paul switches his tone to active voice. Be kind. Be tenderhearted. Be forgiving. Notice the text doesn’t say, “Let kindness come over you.” “Let a tenderhearted approach descend upon you.” “Let forgiveness emanate from your heart.” No, the tone becomes instructive, telling us to make a choice to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving.
So, when that moment this year comes at which we begin to feel that fire in our belly, let us reflect quietly about its cause. Let us humble ourselves and allow God to soothe the feeling. Let’s counter it the next morning not with wrestling, but with a kind smile. That will, no doubt, lead to a softened heart and ultimately forgiveness.
Bene-action: At a very random moment, genuinely smile while looking somebody in the eyes and give a sincere compliment. Give yourself 20 bonus points if it’s a person who had caused a little fire in our belly earlier that day. Then, reflect on it that night as you are resting. How did that situation turn out? How did you feel when walking away from it?
Common Sensitivity 